My Journey Through Grief: What I Learned About Life, Love, and Loss

A Journey of Healing and Hope

“This too shall pass” was how my mother faced any challenging situations in our lives. We followed the same with success. As we grew older, we found that this phrase was a valuable tool that helped us to cope with the ups and downs of life.

She was a pillar of strength, who filled our lives with positivity and a never say die attitude.

But finally, when it was her time to go and she left this world, I was completely devastated. Obviously, the death of a parent is a huge loss for anyone. But I was in complete denial! I couldn’t believe that a person as strong as her had given up on life so soon (She was only 75 after all, compared to the increased life span in today’s world. Aren’t there so many of us who survive well into their nineties??). It was difficult for me to accept her going away. Moreso, being the youngest child I was extremely close to her and vice versa.

Though I thought time would heal me, but now it’s more than one and a half years, and not a single day goes without me not remembering and missing her. Of course, I have come out of the dark abyss, but I know with a heavy heart that things are never going to be the same again.

The loss of a close family member is a highly emotional experience and has a profound impact on an individual’s life. Dealing with it requires time, support, and a combination of emotional, psychological, and practical remedies. Having said that, it is important to understand that each individual’s grief journey is unique, and there is no right or wrong way for that. Some people need space to recoup on their own, while others require the company of friends and family to give them strength.

I am documenting my journey through grief, sharing personal experiences and coping strategies that helped me emerge from it. I hope that my story will give others hope and inspiration.

Seek Support

Immediate family members, such as siblings and relatives would obviously be there when a parent dies. They would give solace to each other, empathize and share memories. But they’ll be there for a brief period only, (unless you are staying together). Everyone has to return to their homes and work after a point of time. In such a situation having one or more good friends is the greatest asset, and I am blessed to have one such friend.

Being of the same age group and going through similar experiences, it would be easier to connect, share and validate your feelings with them. Probably also discuss ways to deal with overwhelming sadness. By chance my friend’s mother had departed a year ago, so we could totally relate. Simply talking to her helped in alleviating the burden to a great extent.

Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

Ultimately, we have to deal with grief ourselves. Hence it is vital to allow yourselves to grieve by experiencing a range of emotions including guilt, regret, and anger. Feelings of regret and guilt are natural and I too felt the same for quite some time. The reason was that my mother stayed far away from where I reside, we were in different places. I couldn’t pay her a visit often due to various reasons (including the pandemic).

It is common for people who have lost a loved one to feel this way. Recurring thoughts about what you could have done to save their life occur. Acceptance of the situation, and an understanding that we have no control over certain happenings in our lives, will provide peace and relief.

Self-care — Don’t Neglect Yourself

You may lose sleep, feel overwhelmed, and hardly eat. There may be spurts of crying. Maintaining a routine helps stabilize your mental, physical, and emotional states. The sooner you return to normalcy, the better it is for you and everyone around you. So, take adequate rest and sleep, eat properly, and exercise or meditate. Spirituality aids in overcoming stress and helplessness.

If you’re still struggling, professional counseling is an option, where you can discuss your issues in a safe, non-judgmental environment. I took professional help and in two sessions, my mood was elevated. Therefore, don’t hesitate to take therapy.

Finally, keep yourself busy as you navigate through your healing journey. Remember, nothing can be achieved in a day. Develop hobbies, such as art, music, or writing, this will channel your emotions constructively. The best example is my own self. Writing really helped me divert my mind and I am ever so thankful to it.

Things to Make You Feel Better

Honor their legacy — in the form of participating in events that he/she liked or volunteering for causes that he/she cared about. Being involved in charity work, or setting up a memorial fund in their name are a few other ways.

Cherish the Memories That You Shared Together

Surprisingly I have imbibed a lot of my mother’s qualities and attributes now after her departure. This creates so much positivity and hope…..the fact that the soul is alive forever……it’s magical that whenever I remember her and unknowingly look out for her, I can actually feel her presence. The saying from the Bible “Ask and it will be given, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened to you” turns out to be so apt here. My spirits are revived, and I still feel connected to her.